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Having a sexually healthy brain

Maintaining sexual success while you build whatever kingdom you are trying to build is the cornerstone. A sexually healthy brain is critical.

Many people want to be ultimately successful. They might want a boat, nice car, a beach house and of course designer clothes. For others ultimate success may be having their own television show or having famous friends who call them on their cell phone.

Yet most don’t consider taking the time to be sexually successful. History records all the individuals who have climbed to great levels of financial, political, spiritual or entertainment success. Ultimately it was their sexual brain that led them down to a path of ultimate destruction. Let me explain.

Like so many who are ultimately successful in a particular field and have learned to train themselves to be successful, so you can train yourself to be sexually successful. So, take out your pens because we are going to a sexual success class.

First, let’s get to the basics. Most brains operate the same. When you experience an orgasm you receive the highest levels of endorphins and enkephalins that hit the center of the brain called the preoptic neuron. This chemical rush is close to four times stronger than morphine.  This is by far the highest chemical reward you’ll get from anything you experience in life.

Secondly, whatever you are looking at, whether real or imaginary, you will glue to it. Literally, you attach to whatever you orgasm too. This is classical conditioning to the max. Remember Pavlov’s dog? Ring the bell, feed the dog. The dog salivates and gets conditioned to eat when the bell rings.

Now, let’s have a moment of honesty like I have with so many of my telephone clients. Many of my clients have orgasm reinforcement thousands of times to pornography and sexual fantasy. This reinforcement has led them down the road chasing whatever it is that they were looking at.

Take John for example (a real story). He went to Catholic School and connected to spanking as his sexual fantasy. He secretly reinforced this fantasy during adolescence and adulthood. He married and his wife would not participate in his sexual fantasy and so he kept a secret self-behavior. John got on the Internet and started to act this out in real life. His wife found out and John chose his fantasy life over the real world.

In John’s divorce, he lost controlling interest of their company, got fired and lost millions of dollars. John’s sexual brain became John’s and so many others with similar experiences, downfall.

A sexually healthy brain is important. Let’s face it; most of us learned sexuality through pornography, fantasy and immortality. We have several neuropathic reinforcements to images that are unhealthy for our ultimate success.

That’s why you can be at a restaurant with your spouse and be checking out the waitperson and other individuals while dining in the restaurant. Your brain is chasing reinforcement at a neurological level.

So you are thinking, how do I change my brain? That’s relatively easy. I have counseled thousands of sex addicts and they said this was at the top of their recovery tools. So, do this and you too can have a brain that will lead you to sexual success.

Place a rubber band around your wrist and wear the band for at least thirty days. Every time your brain wants to scan, objectify or fantasize about someone in a sexual manner, snap the rubber band. If you do this right, it should hurt when you snap it.

Now we are setting in place what we call classical reconditioning. Before, we had ring the bell, feed the neurological dog when you objectified people. Now we have ring the bell, discipline the dog reconditioning cycle.

It will take about thirty days and your brain will be cleaner than it has been in years. You’ll find yourself no longer objectifying people in a sexual manner. You won’t be mindlessly finding yourself wanting to flirt or worse, with others.

You can be successful financially, emotionally, and spiritually. But to maintain total success you must also be successful sexually.

Maintaining sexual success while you build whatever kingdom you are trying to build is the cornerstone. If you fail sexually, you tend to take a lot of time, energy and creativity from your primary purpose. Also, if you continue to keep failing sexually, you begin to have sexual secrets. These secrets eventually create sexual shame.

Business people you work with that have integrity can sense your secrets and shame and may intuitively not trust you as much. More deals are lost by intuition than anyone will ever know.

On the reverse, I have worked with many sex addicts who are business owners who have doubled their income in one year just because they became sexually successful. If you need help to get a sexually healthy brain, try this. Your sexual success and success in life is so worth it!

You may also want to read our blog post, “The first steps of a sex addict.

Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, Clean. You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, or on his Facebook, by phone at 719-278-3708 or through email at

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